CFS..Chronic fatigue syndrome.
Today, I feel off, really outta sorts, it's a push to do anything. My usual steely positive outlook is nowhere to be seen. Has my world failed me? No, it's just another day with CFS. Welcome to my world....
It took four years to self diagnose, my constant persistent burnout. I was a typical Type A,
career orientated, driven, bouncy-energetic type. Burnout was inevitable & looking back there were plenty of warning signs; I was a ball of stress & anxiety. Years later, my innate driving urge 'to go, go, go'- is finally leaving. My job now is to get well. In the meantime my life has turned upside down & inside out. With a lack of public awareness, funding & resources, (in some states) your pretty much on your own. Daily living with CFS is complex, with no end in sight, it lingers, changes, comes & goes in a random, unpredictable fashion.
Being in the moment; is the only certainty.
What have I learnt:
To say NO & clearly communicate my choices. Friendships have changed or evolved; to cope with my unpredictability & 'dropping out' without taking offence. Personal boundaries have been re-evaluated by putting my needs first. Asking for help is ok, working out what's important & dropping what isn't. Prioritising my days, having down days, resting & to go with a very slow flow.
CFS is annoying, frustrating, depressing, challenging, confronting & if I look for the silver lining, probably it's a gift. Why? During this journey I have fundamentally changed.
The impatient, abrasive & grumpy person has evolved to be a lot softer, patient, happier & compassionate. It's also increased my awareness on every level, maybe it was the illness I was meant to have.
Take heart-even the darkest day can feel light, so buckle up, CFS is one hell of a roller coaster ride, you can't ignore it, it screams loudly in your ears. Demanding attention, you can only create the time & space to listen, then work with it & maybe learn some serious life lessons along the way...Love your di-sease, they say..you know...I think I'm finally getting there!!
See the top tab for my CFS-lifestyle guidelines.